What if the thing that drives you crazy about your son… is actually one of his greatest God-given strengths?
You know the moment. You’re at the dinner table, and everything’s peaceful—until the silverware starts rattling. One boy’s knee is bouncing. Another is spinning his fork. He’s not trying to be disruptive. He just can’t seem to sit still.
And before you know it, someone says it—
“Why can’t you just calm down?”
“Why can’t you sit still like your sister?”
Like your sister.
Here's the thing: your son is not like his sister. God made him different. Unfortunately, we’ve spent decades trying to teach boys in a way that works better for his sister, and the consequences are far-reaching.
Designed for Action
But what if we tried something new? What if we paused and considered what it might look like to teach boys in a way that takes into account God’s beautiful and clever design?
After walking with over 100,000 men and boys through Trail Life USA over the last decade, I can tell you: Boys were built to move. Their bodies, their brains, their energy—it’s not a problem to solve. It’s a design to understand. But for too long, we’ve asked boys to act more like girls and punished them when they don’t.
Modern education favors stillness, compliance, and quiet focus—things girls tend to develop earlier than boys. Boys, on the other hand, are often still working out how to focus, regulate emotion, and control that raw energy. But instead of giving them room to grow, we hand them labels: disruptive, unfocused, disobedient.
But as one Harvard scientist put it, boys have to move in order for their brains to be fully engaged. Movement isn’t a distraction from learning—for many boys, it’s the path to learning.
The Cost of Misunderstanding Boys
And yet today, boys hear the same message over and over:
Sit still. Be quiet. Try harder. Be more like your sister.
Nancy Pearcey pointed out that while our society has made great strides in empowering girls, we’ve inadvertently told boys that their instincts, their nature, and their strengths are flaws. In lifting up one side of the scale, we’ve unbalanced the whole thing—and boys are paying the price.
We’ve created a system that rewards stillness and punishes motion—and then we wonder why boys seem to be falling behind.
We call them attention-seeking, but I have to ask:
What’s wrong with wanting attention?
God wired boys to lead. That desire to be seen, to be part of the action, to do something that matters—it’s not a bug in the system. It’s the beginning of a mission. That so-called “rambunctious” nature? It’s the same drive that leads men to storm beaches in wartime, scale cliffs to rescue the stranded, or build something where nothing once stood.
In fact, when we stifle that drive, we risk losing the very spirit God put in them to make them strong, bold, and ready to serve.
Room to Move, Space to Grow
At Trail Life, we’ve seen firsthand what happens when boys are given room to move, learn, and grow at their own pace—when men come alongside them not to scold, but to shape. We’ve watched boys who couldn’t sit still through a classroom thrive while rappelling down a cliff, navigating with a compass, or leading their patrol on a backcountry trek. And then, with dirt under their fingernails and fire in their eyes, those same boys open their Bibles around the campfire and listen with hearts wide open.
That’s the picture Scripture gives us: “Teach them diligently… when you walk by the way” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Not “when you strap them to a desk and force them to sit still.” When you walk by the way.
Movement isn’t the enemy. It’s the medium.
This Isn’t a Phase—It’s a Calling
Boys do not believe there is a tree that should not be climbed. And maybe they’re right. That courage, that curiosity, that physicality—it’s not a phase. It’s a calling.
So let’s stop glaring at boys who can’t sit still.
Let’s start gazing with awe at what God might be building in them.
Let’s see that wild, wonderful spark for what it really is—a glimpse of the man he’s meant to become.
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Find the op-ed published by The Christian Post here.
Find a Troop near you or Learn how to bring Trail Life to your community at TrailLifeUSA.com
